


Touch Me

by TheLanceShow



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bottom Keith (Voltron), F/M, Fighting, Fluff, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good, M/M, Top Lance (Voltron), What is a happy ending, klance, klangst, top!lance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-10-15 10:23:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10554744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLanceShow/pseuds/TheLanceShow
Summary: Keith wants to be touched.More specifically, in places he's never been touched before.Even more specifically, he wanted to be touched by Lance.OrThe time where Keith is impatient and blows up, causing a momentous amount of problems to surface.EDIT: ON HIATUS





	1. Fight Me

**Author's Note:**

> So.
> 
> I'm addicted to Voltron.
> 
> Have this drabble.
> 
> Edit: this started of as being cute and idk what happened

It started five days after Lance confessed that he loved Keith after three years of dating. Keith had told Lance that he loved him in the first year of their relationship. Now, finally, in the most romantic way--Lance took Keith to a planet with a permanent sunset and gorgeous polished stones that were everywhere the eye could see--he said it softly, into his ear. Keith had felt like he was going to pass out from the  _love_ that radiated from Lance. His Lance.

* * *

Keith watched from afar as Lance spoke to Pidge, his hip cocked and face nonchalant, arms crossed. Pidge looked annoyed and glared at Lance with all she had. Lance smiled and ruffled her hair.

Keith had an itch under his skin. He couldn't get rid of it, no matter how hard he tried. It only intensified whenever he had his eyes set on Lance. Before he knew it, he was beside Lance, linking their pinkies together.

"Keith? Buddy?" Lance asked, face displaying a light flush. "You okay?"

The itch was gone.

"Yeah," Keith said under his breath. "I'm okay."

Lance smiled crookedly at him and Keith found his own face begin to turn red.

"Okay, ew." Pidge snapped. "I'm not done talking to you, McClain." She pointed a finger at Lance, peered at Keith as if he were an anomaly, and left the main room.

Keith quickly unhooked his finger from Lance and strode to his room, Lance's eyes on the back of Keith's neck as it turned scarlett with a dumbfounded expression on his face. Odd.

* * *

 

As a two person mission--"It's a mini bonding excersise, you need it!"--Keith and Lance were sent to a planet hospitable for humans, with the perfect amount of oxygen in the air, fine sand, and beaches that literally glowed with its white water. The sky stayed a relaxing rosy color, and Keith soaked up the heat without sun. The locals had claimed that their sun was so tiny that he couldn't see it, but its rays spread so the light was spread evenly everywhere--"Keith, you and I both know that was bullshit, okay?".

"You," Lance started, heaving a deep breath. His face was shining with sweat. "Ever notice how sexy these suits are without the armor?"

Lance sent Keith a lopsided smile as they reached a small, clean shack on the beach. Keith pondered what Lance said as he looked around the shack. It was a locker room.

Literally.

There were four large lockers and two benches.

Ugh. They'd have to sleep outside again.

Keith peeked at Lance as he began to take his armor off. He couldn't help but think about what he said; were the suits sexy?

He began to stare at Lance when he turned his back to Keith. He removed his helmet, revealing the both silky and slightly curly tendrils of his hair, and shook his head as he sighed. His hair was getting longer but in a good way.

Lance gently took off the arms braces, setting them on the ground. After he pushed the chest plate off of his shoulders, Keith felt the need to look away. His back was doing things to Keith, and he felt that damned itch come back. He himself managed to take his armor off as quickly as possible. He stumbled onto a bench and made the mistake of looking at Lance as he walked across the room.

_Dear God help me._

After training and fighting for years, Lance's shoulders had become broad. To the point where nobody had realized it was possible. His torso slanted down into thin hips and strong thighs. But Lance had definitely been doing squats.

A lot of squats.

His ass was just  _divine._ Plump and muscular, round and just perfect for burying your face-

Whoa.

Keith choked on his saliva, coughing so hard he wanted to puke. Lance obviously wanted to kill Keith, for he looked over at him with the most innocent expression. Some of his hair dangled in his face until he quickly brushed it back.

"Are you okay, Babe?"

A wheezing sound escaped Keith and he nodded, trying and failing to get a grip.

Yeah, Keith was thirsty.

Lance said he didn't want to do the deed until he was sure he loved Keith. When Lance then told Keith that he was not a virgin, he had been slightly insulted; all of those other people were attractive enough to fuck, but not him? But Keith melted when Lance's looked down and explained it was because he didn't want to mess up what they had, and Keith was a virgin so Lance wanted it to be special.

Seriously thirsty.

"All right, well... I'm going to relax on the beach. Join me when you can, Cutie." Lance winked and swaggered out of the door.

It's been two weeks since the L word left Lance's mouth.

When would they finally make love?

Keith eventually made his way outside and paused.

Lance was speaking to a pretty female with pink eyes and a sparkly grey mass on the back of her head that looked like hair. She was thin and had the curves of a human.

Keith didn't like her.

From where he was standing, Keith saw Lance laugh and rub at his neck. He peeked up shyly at the girl. She smiled, with flirty fingers curling in Lance's hair on the top of his head. Why is Lance letting her do this? Why are they standing so close?

Lance glanced towards the shack and spotted Keith. His faced lit up with a smile that was only ever shown for Keith. He felt his heart warm. As he went towards the pair, he started chewing on his lip. He noticed the girl shooting daggers at him causing Keith to glare. Lance turned towards Keith and frowned.

"You should stop that," Lance said softly, pulling Keith's bottom lip from in between his teeth. He rubbed gently at Keith's lips and Keith felt his cheeks flare. He turned away from Lance and coughed. The girl was still scowling at him.

"And who are you?" She asked, head cocked innocently, but she had a dangerous look in her eye.

"Uh-"

"This is Keith!" Lance shouted. "He came with me. Keith, this is-" Lance made a few clicking noises. "Hard to pronounce. She said it means 'angel.' Cool, right?"

"Yeah, well Lance and I were having an  _intimate_ conversation so it would be nice if you left.'

Keith glanced at Lance and noticed his expression showed he was annoyed. Over the years, Keith learned the signs that Lance wasn't feeling the best. Right now, his nose was the tiniest bit scrunched up and he had a patient smile on his face.

Keith was itchy.

Slowly, he slipped his hand into Lance's. Lance jumped and the patient smile turned into a genuine one with his nose relaxing. The woman stared at their hands.

"Oh, that doesn't mean anything to me. Please leave us to speak." She stated.

"Yeah, well, it means something to me." Lance stated. "Please leave our station."

The girl made a vulgar clicking sound and stepped into the ocean, dissolving. Keith attempted to remove his hand but Lance held it tighter. 

"I don't mind." Lance stared at Keith and Keith felt like he was looking into a blue sun, face burning and heart beating fast. He looked at Lance's nose instead.

"Look at me," Lance breathed as he grasped Keith's chin to direct his eyes to his own. "See me."

Keith's heart rate managed to jump even higher as he really saw Lance. He hadn't been flirting with the girl. That much he knew. But...

"Lance, why won't you make love to me?" Keith asked, noticeably flustered, head down. He looked up when Lance made a strange whimpering noise at the back of his throat. The tips of his ears were red.

He didn't answer.

Instead he said, "Let's go swimming" in a hurried voice and power walked back into the locker. He came back out with Keith's and his swimming trunks. "Are you changing in the locker or am I?"

Keith knew that his face showed how heart broken he felt. Lance sighed.

"I don't... want to disappoint you." Lance's voice was shaking and Keith's eyes began to water. "God, Keith, don't cry."

Keith felt Lance's strong arms wrap around him and accidentally let out a sob. He was so fucking frustrated: with Lance, with himself, with the selfishness he felt.

"I hate you," he choked out. He felt Lance swallow thickly. "I hate you so fucking much. Am I not good enough for you? Is your shitty self-esteem getting in the way of my own happiness? Don't fucking touch me!" Keith pushed away and stumbled back. He took a look at Lance and finally realized what he said.

"Lance-"

"You," Lance's face was dark. His eyes were a fiery blue and his expression was blank. But his eyes seemed wet and Keith began to regret what he said even more as seconds passed. "I thought, out of all people, you would never bring how I felt those first three years in the castle. And yet-" Lance let out a humorless chuckle. He took a deep breath.

"I regret what I said that day." Lance spat and turned, walking back into the woods.

Keith sank into the sand as tears rolled down his face. He knew Lance didn't regret that he loved him. But it hurt. Keith couldn't blame him for being angry. Lance was the romantic type, trying to make sure everything was perfect for Keith. He was too eager. It was his fault.

 

Lance still wasn't back a few hours later. 

The locals came to their station an hour after Lance left. They brought a large bed, pillows, and sheets and placed it on the sand. With a polite smile and puffy red eyes, Keith thanked them and watched them go.

Keith didn't lay in the bed.

He was in his swim trunks, sitting in the shallow water area of the beach. He kept waiting for Lance to return. Two hours later, Keith could barely keep his eyes open. His throat was sore from all the screaming he aimed at himself. He dried off and slowly climbed into the bed. It was soft and cozy, but Keith couldn't help but miss Lance's arms around him, his almost too hot heat against his back, the subtle erection he got when Keith purposefully rubbed his ass against Lance's crotch, the playful "Soon" Lance would mutter into Keith's hair with a smirk.

He fell asleep with dried tears on his face and a lonely chill in his bones.

 

Keith knew he  _really_ fucked up when he found Lance the next morning sleeping on the ground.

He and Lance had pretty big fights before. But each time, Lance would end up coming back to bed with Keith, even if they hadn't quite made up yet.

But not this time.

Oh, God.

Keith felt his throat tighten and he turned his back to Lance angrily.

 

Keith was nudged awake with a finger rubbing his sternum. He jumped out of the bed.

"Fuck, that hurts!" He yelled before he saw Lance. He was dressed and ready to go with all of his armor on. Keith could smell roses.

"Get ready."

"They aren't expecting us back for another six days, though." Keith mumbled.

Lance smiled tightly, "Oh, well. Either we're leaving together or I leave without you."

It was like when they first arrived at the castle. Lance was sending waves of hostility, anger, and above all, the need to escape.

"Alright..." Keith muttered heading towards the shack. He looked back and saw Lance trembling as he gently stroked where Keith had been lying.

Keith ducked into the shack and got ready as fast as he could.

 

The trek from the beach to their ship was about five miles long.

Which was five miles too long.

The silence was starting to hurt Keith's ears.

"Lance."

Lance began to walk faster.

" _Lance."_

He was practically jogging now.

_"Lance!"_

Lance turned suddenly, causing Keith to almost bump into his chest.

"What the Hell do you want, Keith?!"

Keith crossed his arms. "I'm trying to apologize!"

Lance rolled his eyes and started down the trail. "Apology accepted, hurry up."

"If the apology was accepted, why are you still angry?"

Quietly, Lance spoke, "I accepted it, I didn't forgive you."

Keith was silent the rest of the hike.

 

"Do you wanna fly it?" Keith mumbled as they boarded the ship. Pidge and Hunk had made a ship smaller than the lions and meant for two people. It was small yet comfortable.

Lance said nothing, just sat in the passenger's seat. He took off his helmet and let it fall to the floor, then closed his eyes and leaned back in the seat.

"Real mature," Keith said under his breath.

Lance, with his eyes still closed, whispered, "You know what's _really_  mature? Using someone's insecurities for something you want. That's mature."

Keith said nothing as he slipped into the pilot's seat with his jaw clenched. Lance was right. He was so fucking right. His eyes watered.

"Are we going or not?"

* * *

 

Lance avoided Keith like the plague.

No matter how many times Keith would try to talk to him, to work things out, Lance just pretended like he didn't hear him or just flat out walked away.

Surprisingly, Coran was the first to notice.

"What's wrong with Lance?" He asked Keith after dinner. Keith raised an eyebrow. "Sorry. What's wrong with you two?"

Keith closed his eyes momentarily. "I said some things that I shouldn't have on the trip. That's why we came back today instead of a week from now." Something in the corner of the room caught Keith's eye.

"What's that?"

Coran glanced at the basket filled his odd flower petals, red candles, and a CD case.

"Ah, Lance asked for that. He wanted to make your first time special. He asked us to set it up the day you were coming back, but..."

Keith was suddenly furious with himself. He stormed to Lance's room fuming.

"Open the fucking door, Lance!" He screamed, pounding away at the offending object. Hunk walked towards Keith with an eyebrow slowly going up.

"Oh my God, just leave me the fuck alone, Keith!" Lance's muffled voice reached Keith's ears and made him hit the door even harder.

Hunk gasped, "Lance hasn't cursed at you since you started dating! Keith what the Hell did you do?!"

Keith choked back a sob. When did he turn into such a crybaby? Since Lance. He broke down his walls and exposed all of the raw emotions that were hidden behind anger. He laughed more, smiled more, and cried more.

"I said shit I shouldn't have said, Hunk." Keith felt like he was going to have a breakdown. He needed Lance; he was the air he breathed, his sunny day, his stars and nights, his universe, the love of his life.

He felt Hunk put a hand on his shoulder. "I can open the door for you, if you really want me to." He said quietly.

Keith nodded eagerly, ready to apologize. Hunk pulled out a touch screen device and typed in a complicated code. Lance's room door slid open with ease.

Keith poked his head into Lance's room and found him sitting crosslegged on his bed. In his hands was a ball of slime tightly rolled up to resemble a piece of bread. He was glaring in Keith's direction and Keith sighed; he was finally being acknowledged.

"Hunk, you literal asshole." Lance gritted out. "Close the door." He turned towards Keith. He opened his mouth then closed it. "Just close the door."

"Lance," Keith started, almost stepping into the room. "I just wanna ta-"

_"Get the fuck out of my fucking room!"_

With Keith standing still, shocked, the door slammed shut. "I wasn't in his room." Keith muttered.

Hunk scratched his neck. "Tell me what you said to Lance and I'll see if I can help your little problem."

Keith winced. Did he really want to tell Hunk? Would he think he's a bad person?

"Essentially, I used his insecurities as insults because I couldn't get what I wanted."

"What did you use...?" Hunk asked, looking disappointed in Keith.

Keith looked at the sleeve of the jacket he was wearing. It belonged to Lance. It still smelled like him. Keith wonders idly why he didn't ask for it back.

"I... the one where he felt like the seventh wheel for the first three years in the castle..."

Hunk sighed.

"But!" Keith stopped him from saying anything. "What I said wasn't even that bad! I said something around the lines of 'your shitty self-esteem is getting in the way of my hapliness' and 'I hate you'. That's not that bad, right?"

Hunk's face was expressionless. "I'm not helping you." He walked away; Keith lost sight of him.

Keith put his back against Lance's door and slid to the floor. Eyes burning, he wrapped his arms around his legs. Not even Hunk, Lance's best friend and the one who knew him the most, would help Keith. Once again, Keith fell asleep with tears on his face.

 

 


	2. Hurt Me Harder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why the fuck would you think I'm sleeping with Shiro?" Keith asked, anger bubbling within him. He stared, eyes wide, as Lance clumsily stood to his feet. "Lance!"

For two weeks, Keith had sat outside of Lance's door and fallen asleep, and Lance was driving himself insane by pretending not to care. Each time, Keith was wrapped in Lance's jacket.

He had found Keith outside of his door with tears dried on his cheeks. The sight killed him; he hated, even detested, the thought or sight of Keith crying. He felt his own eyes prickle and he wiped at them angrily. He took a shuddering breath and gently rubbed the crust off of Keith's face and picked him up. Carried him to his room and tucked him in.

Then walked away, regretting ever joining Voltron.

Maybe it would make Keith happy if he left now.

Subconsciously, he felt tears rolling down but ignored them, heading to the training room.

 

* * *

 

Keith was dazed when he woke up in his own bed. His eyes were red when he looked in the mirror and his hair was a messy bird's nest. His lips were chapped and Lord knows the last time he got a good night's rest.

But he wasn't sad anymore.

He was  _angry._

Okay, he's sad, but still. It left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Or was that just the fact that he hasn't washed his teeth yet?

He shoved Lance's jacket off of his shoulders and threw it on the ground. He kicked the soft material until his eyes burned then walked away. He stepped into the hallway and saw no-one.

As he entered the dining room, Keith noticed Lance wasn't there. Sure, Lance was obviously mad at him, but he still attended breakfast regularly.

"I thought you two made up?" Hunk said, eyebrow raised. Keith blinked at him. "So that's a no. Why is he so damn stubborn?"

"What do you mean?" Keith asked slowly, lowering himself into the chair across from Hunk.

"Lance said he was going to apologize. I wonder where he is now." Hunk replied, shoving food into his mouth. It resembled pancakes.

 "Lance doesn't need to apologize for what he thinks he does." Pidge piped up and peered at Keith. "Make up or break up. I'm--and don't tell Lance I said this--worried about him. It's affecting him more than you think, okay?"

Shiro nodded in agreement, "Last I saw him, he was in the training room."

Keith bit his lip and stood back up, going in the direction of the training room.

 

* * *

 

Lance heard the whir of the door opening and scrambled to escape. He left the simulation on and hid under the pile of blankets that Hunk set there for comfort.

Quiet footsteps filled the room. It was too light to be Shiro, too loud to be Hunk, strides too long to be Pidge, no click of the heels from Allura, and it wasn't peppy like Coran's. 

 _Fuck truck on a dildo stick shit,_ Lance thought to himself, staying as still as possible. Last night, he had told Hunk that he would apologize for what he said. Of course he didn't regret  telling Keith he loved him; Keith had to know that.

But Keith took a stab at his biggest insecurity--being left behind. He didn't know if Keith really meant what he said. Was his self-esteem really getting in the way of their relationship? 

It made him sad and mad. 

Was there a word for that?

_Smad?_

The footsteps continued as Lance laid under the blankets, curled into a ball.

"Lance?" Keith called. "Are you in here? The simulation is still on, so stop hiding."

Lance gritted his teeth. Even though Keith seemed sad, the edge in his voice made Lance feel like choking him. Lance still didn't know how to read Keith, even after all of the years they've known each other.

"Is he really not in here?" Keith asked himself, indignant. "I just wanna talk; he's being ridiculous."

Lance slowly unfurled himself and sat up, hurling the blankets off of him. "I'm gonna be completely honest, Keith. I love you. You know I do. But I really don't fucking like you right now." He stood and tried to walk past Keith, but he held him back with a hand on his upper arm.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Keith asked and his gripped tightened. He leaned back a little when Lance bared his teeth.

"It means you leave me alone." He stared at Keith until he let go. But Keith was getting angry.

There were two types of anger. Wet anger and dry anger. Wet is simple; tears and snot and a wobbly voice out of frustration. Dry anger was no tears, no emotion except for a furious feeling in the pit of your stomach.

 Keith was dry angry.

"Oh, I see. Fine, Lance. You know what? You can fucking kill-"

"Don't you fucking dare, Keith. Do not." Lance warned.

"-yourself!"

"This is why your parents gave you up? Who the fuck would want a child that behaves like you, who can't be grateful for a full ride scholarship? Who doesn't know what he has before they leave, like I might leave you?!" Lance was breathing hard. He could feel that his face was flushed with emotion and Keith's was turning pink as well.

His eyes were flicking all over Lance's face and Lance's vision became blurry from potential tears. Then suddenly they were rushing at each other. Keith shoved him back before tugging his collar closer. Lance roughly jerked his hair back and crushed his lips hard into Keith's when he let out a harsh whimper.

Keith growled and bit Lance's lip hard enough for it to bleed; Lance pushed Keith onto the ground, crawling on top of him. They simply stared at each other, both breathing hard. Then Keith reached up and curled his hands around the sides of Lance's face. Lance leaned down and closed his eyes when he felt the light touch of Keith's mouth on his. Then he pushed harder, opening Keith's mouth with his and a hand running up Keith's shirt roughly. Strangled moans came out of Keith's mouth with every touch of his body, every hickey Lance planted onto his skin.

They were panting now, the lack of communication between them expressing itself through touch.

 

* * *

 

Keith knew it was wrong. Knew that this wouldn't solve their problems. It wouldn't take back what he had said to Lance not even five minutes before. It wouldn't get them to apologize to each other.

But,  _damn,_ if Keith didn't love the bruising of his lips from Lance and the heat of Lance's hands on him.

Both of their cheeks were wet from the other's tears. Keith didn't mind, though; he wanted Lance with him any way he could.

He shouldn't, probably, love the feeling of his wrists being raw from Lance's hands, the firm body hovering over his, the back arching sensation of Lance palming him through his jeans.

Then, it all stopped.

Lance was suddenly sobbing and scrambling off of Keith. He ran for the exit, this time escaping, and rushed into the direction of the hangar.

Keith sat up on the ground, huffing for breath and looking at the doorway Lance had just ran out of. Lance rarely cried, even less than Keith, and seeing him cry was like Keith had been shot in the chest and was bleeding out.

"Lance," He called weakly, voice breaking. "Please..."

 

The next time Keith saw Lance was late into what he assumed was the evening in the common room. Pidge had managed to rig up a system to her computer, projecting a screen similar to that of a large flat screen television.

Shiro, Hunk, Pidge, Coran, and Allura all sat on the floor, propped against the couches. Lance was on his back in the middle of the floor, laughing at the ceiling.

Pidge turned around and spotted Keith in the doorway. "Hey, Keith. We're gonna watch Captain Crunch-icles and play truth or dare."

Keith walked into the room slowly. "What's Captain Crunch-icles about."

Lance giggled, dainty yet loud, and boomed, "Oh, you'll all find out!" He looked at Keith the best he could while laying down. "Hey, Keith. My babe. Baby love. Cutie pie. Bean paste. Green tea. Damn, I want some mochi. You have that in space?"

"I have no idea what that is, Lance," Allura responded. "But probably not."

"Oh, bullocks! You British aliens and your lame foods  _suck!"_

Keith lowered himself to sit next to Shiro. "What's up with Lance?"

"Well, Pidge found a plant that has the same effects of both marijuana and alcohol. So Lance, being the little shit he is, smoked it."

Keith raised an eyebrow, "Where'd you find that?"

Hunk sighed and nudged Lance's foot; he retaliated by sticking up a middle finger into the air. "Lance, uh. He took his Lion out for a ride and wouldn't tell us where he went. He eventually told us after two hours, and the planet had plants similar of Earth. We took some back to the castle, Pidge took some samples, and boom. She told Lance and Lance smoked like his life depended on it."

"Holy lasagna, guys. Guys. Amigos. I'd rather die than ever be alone again. You guys, guys, guys you are great. Company. Is lovely." Lance muttered. Coran looked at him fondly.

"Ah, poor boy. Reality will come down on him like a lily on a flower." Coran said softly. Keith didn't bother asking what a lily was to them, assuming it was some giant rock that would crush a flower.

"I bet Keith's coming-out song was  _I'm Not Gay_ by  _J Pee._ Oh, my God that would make my entire fucking life. Keith, sweetheart, what was your coming out song? California Girls?" Lance rambled on, staring at his hands.

Pidge rolled her eyes and began the movie. Lance shifted and sat up, crossing his legs and sitting next to Hunk.

The movie started with a young man eating cereal. It was silent except for the clicking of the spoon against the bowl, the sloshing of milk, and the loud crunches the boy made as he ate.

It went on for five minutes before Pidge screamed and shut it off.

"No! Lance, I swear to God-"

"The movie is legit just him eating cereal. At one point, he makes a popsicle out of the cereal and milk, but yeah. That's it." Lance explained, swaying with a content smile. His gaze landed on Keith and Shiro; Lance frowned.

"Ah, I know what happened. Keith was, like, sleeping with Shiro or something." Lance started, face evening out. "And he, like, wanted to compare sex skills like a true playa. And when I said 'hol' up, we gon' wait,' he was totes mad. Like, who was he gonna stay with if he didn't know whom was a better lay? So he got anger and that's how this ends, boys."

"Why the fuck would you think I'm sleeping with Shiro?" Keith asked, anger bubbling within him. He stared, eyes wide, as Lance clumsily stood to his feet. "Lance!"

Lance brushed him off with a scoff. "Keith, honey bunny, I'm not stupid. You two are bumping uglies and it's O.K. Because I'll take you back, like I always do. I'll take responsibility, like I always do. I'll make sacrifices,  _like I always do."_

The room was almost completely silent after that, the only sound being their breaths filling the air. Keith could feel everyone staring at him and Lance, probably trying to figure out what Lance was talking about.

What scared Keith about Lance was how impassive he could get, or maybe it was how good of an actor he was. When Lance was beyond mad, beyond furious, he would become devoid of emotion. 

Maybe his self-esteem really was getting in the way of their relationship.

He thought Keith was cheating on him?

Lance is blind.

"Th-That isn't true," Keith whispered.

"Sugar plum, it so is. Every time we fight, either I apologize first or only I apologize. That's not how relationships are supposed to work, Keith. 

"See, the thing is, it's like you still don't pick up on my social queues. Hunk said I look mildly constipated when you and Shiro are hanging so close together, casually touching. You're not a touchy person, not even with me. So imagine my feelings when the only time I can touch you is when we're alone. Why, no,  _who_ the fuck would want that for a relationship? You can say 'No PDA' all day long, Keith, but really? Are you afraid or something? Did I finally find something that the Great Keith Kogane can't do? A proper, functioning relationship?"

Keith rose from the ground, floored.  "Seriously, Lance? Are you kidding me? Are you not happy in our relationship?"

Lance laughed and let out a hiccup. "I never said that, suga. Of course I'm happy with the love of my life. I just get really tired, Keith. And maybe for once, you can apologize first. Plus-" Lance gagged and Keith watched as green and brown slime came from Lance's mouth. "Aw, I'm coming down. It was nice while it lasted. I blame Keith." Then he slumped forward and landed face first into his own vomit.

 

Keith was sitting in the corner of his bed when Shiro came in.

"How are you feeling?" Shiro asked carefully. His face was pinched with worry.

"How do you think, Shiro?" Keith snapped and ran a hand down his face. "I care about him, you know? But... I didn't think this would blow up."

"What did you even say?" Shiro said, sitting at the edge of Keith's bed. Keith shifted until he was sitting next to him.

"It was the first time that I'd ever said 'I hate you' to Lance. I blamed it on him. But I feel like I'm not entirely at fault for this fight." Keith huffed and stared at Shiro thoughtfully. He wondered if he really was more affectionate to Shiro in public.

"I have to say that I am a bit disappointed in you," Shiro started. He smiled warmly at Keith. "But I'm sure Lance is wrong as well."

And maybe it was the lack of attention from Lance, or the fond look in Shiro's eyes that he usually saw from Lance. Either way, Keith did it.

Without thinking, Keith pushed his lips onto Shiro's before jerking back roughly as if he were scorched by a raging fire of guilt.

_No, no, please, that was a mistake, Lance, please, I love you._

Then there were tears, again, falling from Keith's eyes. His lips tingled in a bad way and he wanted to scrub every inch of his skin raw, until he felt clean again. He didn't like Shiro in a romantic way, not at all. So why-?

"I'm so sorry, Shiro, I'm so fucking sorry. I don't know what to do, Shiro. Do I just apologize and pretend like nothing's wrong?" Keith started to sob loudly, curling his arms around himself and bringing his knees to his chest. "I don't wanna make him feel that way. I'm supposed to make Lance happy! What reason does he have to stay with me...?"

Shiro swallowed, the sound loud, before he nodded his head. "Maybe try to apologize first? It might help get everything else out." He stood abruptly and smiled tightly at Keith before leaving the room.

Keith screamed out of frustration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boi, I promise Lance is gonna do some shit that isn't chill. I know I'm setting Keith up to be the bad guy, but wait, my children. All in due time.
> 
> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!!


	3. Gone for a Moment, Back as Fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Until the next day came, and Lance felt a little better; they didn't talk about what happened, instead pushing the problem away with the rest of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA WOW THIS IS SHORT AF AND I STILL TOOK FOREVER TO POST MAY THE LORD STRIKE ME DED

"I'm not mad at him anymore," Lance said, watching as Hunk experimented with the food slime. "I want him back. But I'm trash--I'm not sure if it's still figurative--and he'll probably want to leave me."

Hunk stared at his friend, concerned. "Keith loves you so much, man. I get it; he was being selfish. It was out of anger. Wasn't he trying to talk to you?"

"Yeah. Then he told me to kill myself." Lance sighed, then said softly, "Maybe he really means it."

Hunk opened his mouth to say something but Pidge strolled in, mouth contorted into a frown. "Keith is a smol, angry bean. He needs to be protected emotionally. You of all people should know this, Lance. He's softer than he appears."

"Protected," Lance whispered. "Maybe just not by me." He walked away and he could the stares at his back. "Not by me..." 

Lance felt himself walk to the hangar and sat cross-legged in front of Blue. He didn't say anything, simply stared. He could feel those feelings coming back; being useless, dead weight. They flooded his mind. He couldn't protect Keith from feelings he didn't want.

Footsteps were heard then Keith was there, sitting next to Lance. "We need to talk," He said quietly.

Lance nodded, submerged in self-doubt, "We do," Lance turned his head towards Keith and felt his eyes and nose start to burn as Keith didn't blink; a tick he did when he was subconsciously doing something that he would regret. He knew what was coming. Keith was biting his lip and playing with his gloves, making sure not to make eye contact.

"I kissed Shiro-"

He was trembling, he couldn't breathe, couldn't listen to any more as Keith continued, face becoming more and more panicked. He was crying and sniffling, eyes clenched shut tight.

"Lance, come back." Keith was shaking his shoulder and he snapped out of the spiraling despair that he was accustomed to. "I didn't mean to. He was there for me when you weren't, and-"

"And that's a good reason? We're in a relationship, Keith!"

"Were," Keith corrected hesitantly, and Lance couldn't see straight. He let out a strangled sob and stood, legs shaking. He stared at Blue while Keith watched him, then he ran from the room.

There was a cupboard just big enough for Lance to crawl into in the kitchen and he was grateful for it to be empty. Fit himself in and closed the door, shaking and trying not to have a panic attack.

Keith left him.

* * *

He waited until Lance was long gone before he let out wails from his chest. He thought it would be the best for the both of them. No more mistakes. No more heartache, and heartbreak, and gin made of tears.

But this was far worse.

Keith got on his hands and knees, everything that he'd eaten coming back up in heaves. He tried to crawl away, heavy tears falling down his face, when Blue's eyes lit up and her head turned towards Keith. 

 Her eyes began to glow red, and her stance turned threatening.

"I'm sorry, Blue." He sobbed, managing to stand and dragging himself out of the room. "Lance!"

He bumped into Shiro lightly. "Where's Lance?" He asked desperately. He needed impulse control so badly. Why would he break up with Lance? He made him want to wake up every morning.

"I don't know," Shiro said. "Did you tell him?"

"I broke up with him." It was said in a broken excuse for a whisper.

Shiro rubbed a spot under his jaw, the area a deep red. "I saw him heading to the kitchen, tried to stop him, then he gave me a bad uppercut. He was crying. Honestly, Keith, what's wrong with you?"

Keith shook his head and shoved past Shiro, heading to the kitchen. He heard sniveling from somewhere, but he couldn't pinpoint the location.

"B-Baby?" He called, voice shaking. "I didn't mean it, I swear. I love you, please."

Then a choked sob and Keith looked towards a cabinet. The door was shaking and he opened it to find a hyperventilating Lance curled into a ball.

"No," He gasped, shutting his eyes. "Go away, go away, go  _away!"_ He shouted, but made no move to push Keith away when he grabbed his arm.

"Baby, please, I'm sorry," Keith hicupped. Lance wouldn't look at him. "I-I didn't mean it."

Lance didn't stop sobbing as Keith pulled him out of the space. He wrapped his arms around him tightly, shaking along with Lance as he wailed and clutched at his shirt.

"Don't leave me," He gasped. "Keith, don't leave me,  _please, don't leave me."_

"I'm not going anywhere, I'm so sorry," Keith whispered, putting their foreheads together. They rocked together until Lance cried himself to sleep. Until Hunk found them on the floor. Until the next day came, and Lance felt a little better; they didn't talk about what happened, instead pushing the problem away with the rest of them.

 

It had been two months and Lance was still skeptical of their relationship. Keith noticed the nervous glances when Shiro was in the room, the tapping of his finger on his thigh when Keith touched Shiro. He never said anything about the physical contact, but Keith could see he was uncomfortable with it.

He just wanted Lance to say something about it.

Keith was seeking out Lance when Pidge quite literally ran into him. She looked frantic, "Have you seen Lance?" She asked, running a hand through her hair and adjusting her glasses.

"Actually, no," Keith said, peering at her. "Why?"

She fidgeted and stalled, then, "I have... girl questions for him."

"Oh, uh, I am definitely not the one to speak about that with," Keith rubbed the back of his neck. "I'll tell you when I find him."

"Thanks," She smirked, then headed away.

Yawning, Keith absentmindedly opened Lance's room door to check if he was still sleeping. He wasn't expecting to actually see Lance.

Especially not like this.

He was slumped, sitting on his bed. His bayard was in his hands, activated. The blaster was pointed towards Lance's face and he stared down at the barrel of the gun. He didn't blink, even as small, slow tears dragged down his face. He must have heard Keith gasp, though quiet, and he quickly deactivated it and threw it behind his back.

"H-Hey, Babe," Lance said, wiping the tears off of his face. "Were you looking for me?"

"Lance," Keith hissed, fists clenching. "What's wrong with you?"

Lance looked as if he had physically been slapped. He stood with a frown, "What's that supposed to mean? Why'd you say it like that?"

"I'm sorry," Keith sighed. "I didn't mean it like that. I mean, are you okay? What's wrong?"

Lance groaned and heavily sat back onto his bed. Keith followed suit.

"Nothing's wrong," Lance said quietly, staring at his hands.

"Well, obviously something is, considering you were looking down at your gun, ready to shoot yourself."

"Do you really think now is the time to be a snarky asshole?" Lance snapped, glaring at Keith. "I wasn't going to. Just home sick."

 "But... the gun?"

"Nah, I was just thinking," Lance started, mind obviously somewhere else. "That, you know... my family. Would they be proud to know I'm protecting the Universe even though I'm gone? I don't even know if they're alive, you know, with time dilation. I didn't call them as often as I should have, too busy trying to be... you. How much time has passed on Earth? They either think I'm dead or missing... If they're still breathing. Did they ever speak of me? The kid that had anxiety and dyslexia, getting into the Garrison, only to be bullied?

"Stories, stories... I just," a tear leaked out from his right eye. Keith went to brush it away but Lance chuckled, the sound raspy and pained, and slapped his hand away lightly. "I wonder what they thought of it. I didn't talk to my Aunt because she... disgraced me for wanting to be a fighter pilot. But I loved her. She used to teach me French because it's similar to Spanish... You know The Little Prince?  _Le petit Prince._ She made me translate the entire film. She baked me cookies, we went to the beach together, put sweet fried plantains mixed with yuca and salsa just to freak out our family. I can't believe the last thing she said to me was "I love you, _so_ _brino,_ but you're throwing your life away." And I said... "The feeling isn't mutual and I hope I never see you again." Such a drama queen, I was.

_"I want to fucking die, Keith."_


	4. Talk it Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God, he felt like throwing up.
> 
> There was nothing that could heal the wound Keith had cut into his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more angst :D
> 
> Only a lil

Keith stiffened, watching Lance smile at a distant memory. He could hear him humming a song under his breath, a sad and sorrowful sound _._

Regretfully, Keith could never bring his mood up by much when Lance started with this type of mood. It was always downhill from there. He had a brilliantly stupid plan forming in his head--one that he might not be able to carry though--but he needed to distract Lance for a moment.

"You wanna listen to..." What did Lance like? Swing dancing and 80's pop. Listening to 80's pop while swing dancing?  _"Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go?"_

Lance perked up minutely, smiling at Keith, the movement small. "No, it's fine. I'll be fine."

"I'll dance with you this time if you do?" The offer came off as a question. "C'mon, let's dance like it's 1945 to 80's music!" He tried his best to sound upbeat but Lance's expression didn't change.

 "I just need a nap, Keith," Lance said softly, eyes drooping. "I need to be alone for a little while."

"You think I'm going to leave you alone after you just said you wanna die?" Keith said, eyebrows pulled together. "Incorrect."

"Keith, I'm," Lance ran a hand through his hair. "If I wanted to kill myself, I would do so without your permission and without your knowing."

His tone implied that, yes, he had thought about and planned on killing himself multiple times. Keith groaned at Lance's obvious agitation. They have had this conversation before.

"But-"

"Baby, I don't want to get into an argument over needing a nap, okay?" Lance sighed. Keith clenched his teeth but nodded.

"In the meantime, I'll be training with Sh-" He noticed the way Lance tensed. "Hunk. Haven't sparred with him in a while."

Lance sagged in relief and tentatively gave Keith a small smile. "Thanks, Honey. I'll see you when I see you."

Keith returned the smile and stood, stretching his back. "Alright, well... I'll be in the training room when you need me." He walked away with one last glance of Lance, who was pulling the sheets away and beginning to lay down.

* * *

Lance didn't need a nap, and he couldn't take one even if he wanted to. The fact of the matter was that he didn't want to be here.

He didn't really want to be anywhere.

He couldn't remember the last time he got more than one hour of sleep.

So he thought about Keith. His smile, his laugh, his eyes, his frown, the pinch between his eyebrows, his tears, his lips on Shiro- 

_No. Go away. He didn't mean it._

But, fuck, it still hurt as much as it did when he first found out. He didn't understand how someone could justify purposefully kissing another person while they were in a relationship. Shiro was engaged to Allura and Lance doubted Shiro would try to kiss Keith. He had announced at dinner, while everyone was there, that Keith had kissed him but he felt nothing.

Lance had shaken in his chair and ran from the room, going to his own space and locking the door. It was as if Shiro needed another punch to his face.

Allura had easily forgiven him, for there was nothing Shiro could have done. It was unexpected and unprecedented.

He blinked at the ceiling, feeling cold despite the blanket he was under. He thought about it everyday; constantly, of the reality that Keith had cheated on him. Sure, it's not like Keith had slept with him. But Shiro kissed the same lips as Lance did. Got to feel the softness of those pretty pink petals on Keith's mouth.

God, he felt like throwing up.

There was nothing that could heal the wound Keith had cut into his heart.

* * *

Keith didn't know how long he had been fighting Hunk. The momentum that Hunk used with his weight hit Keith hard, but made it difficult for him to stop once he started. Keith was barely panting as Hunk laid on the floor face-down, sweating with shuddering breaths.

"Are you all right, Hunk?" Keith asked, crouching down to his level before deciding to lay down next to him.

"Let me die here," Hunk rasped, voice muffled by the floor.

The door slid open and Lance walked in, looking refreshed. He smirked at the sight of Keith on the floor with Hunk.

"My theory is: Hunk couldn't do anymore and Keith is trying to comfort him." He drawled, lazily making his way over to the two of them. "Hunky Monkey, it's time to get up."

"Leave me be," He mumbled, eyes closed tight. 

"All right, ya wimp." Lance's gaze turned to Keith and it hardened. "We need to talk."

"About what?" Keith asked, standing. 

"Everything."

 

Keith doesn't think he's ever been this nervous in his life. Not when they were defeating Zarkon, not when Lotor had risen to power. Now here he was, sitting in front of Lance in the dining room, trying not to run away.

"This has been," Lance tapped the table top repeatedly as he spoke. "Hard for me. Because, Keith, I can't stop thinking about..."

After he trailed off, Keith hesitantly said, "Thinking about what?"

"What have I been thinking about? A lot, actually. It mostly revolves around how Shiro's lips have touched yours as I have before." Lance said, teeth gritted together. "And, God damn it, I keep thinking about it  _over_ and  _over_ again. I dont know how to stop, I don't know how to forgive you, I don't know if I can live with myself! Knowing that you ran into the arms of the first person that showed you affection!

"Fucking, Keith! I can't fucking focus on loving you because I can't forget. Every night, I stay awake thinking about it. I can't remember the last time I've gotten more than an hour of sleep. Because every time I dream, it's of you and Shiro in bed together." He wiped roughly at his eyes and hissed, "I don't know how to fix it."

He didn't know what to say, instead opting for staring at the table, shoulders hunched. He could hear Lance's small sniffles and couldn't bring himself to look up. "I'm sorry," he whispered, then winced. What a weak apology.

"You're sorry?!" Lance boomed, tugging at his hair. "You're sorry! Wow, I haven't noticed, honestly! Have you been trying to stop touching Shiro? No! Do touch me in public? Nope! Sorry, sorry, sorry! Words don't mean shit without actions!"

Keith could feel himself tremble at the angry, harsh sounds of the words leaving Lance's mouth.

"It's not like I fucked him, okay?" Keith snapped, finally locking eyes with Lance. He looked beyond enraged, then his features smoothed out into an impassive expression.

"Right." Lance said, devoid of emotion. "Of course, that's all that matters. It only matters if he touched you _down there_. Tell me, Keith; would you have fucked him if we weren't together? Ride him? Suck his fucking cock? Let him rim you?"

Every word was like a bullet towards his soul, "I don't feel that way about Shiro," He whispered.

"Then why. The fuck. Did you  _kiss him?"_

"I don't know, okay?!" Keith screamed, eyes burning. "I don't know, I don't know! I used to depend on Shiro when I had emotional problems! Don't blame me for wanting a little affection from someone I could count on!"

"I blame you whole heartedly," Lance stated, slowly standing from his chair; Keith followed suit, preparing himself to have to chase Lance if he ran. "You can count on everyone in this ship even if I'm not available. Any person in their right mind wouldn't cheat because of a fight that could be solved. You're in a relationship, and you're fighting. Might as fucking well ruin all trust I had by..." Lance sat back down.

"Frivolous, isn't it? Everyone always thought that if I were to be in a relationship, I would cheat." Lance looked up, eyes red. "How can a simple kiss, barely a peck, make the trust I had in you crumble to dust?" Lance crossed his arms and lay them on the table before resting his head there, shoulders shaking.

It was Keith that ran now, cursing under his breath as tears ran down his cheeks. Their relationship wasn't able to be repaired. Keith needed to show he was sorry. He headed to Shiro's room.

He could fix this.

He had to.


End file.
